Connections

Connections….Those memories we share with our spouse. Each child’s birth and the feelings that are conjured up thinking about that special moment. The milestones of development in each child..their first step, first word. Special anniversaries shared together. Amazing trips full of joyful memories. Inside jokes that can lighten up a moment. A special look across the way in a crowded room, that only you and your spouse share. Memories that are woven so deep within us. They make us who we are as a married couple. They define us. They shape us. And they mold us together. It seems nothing could ever take them away.

But then something does. It robs you of all that you held onto so tightly, unaware of how treasurable it actually was…until it’s gone. Fifteen years of memories and connection wiped out in a split second. I can’t even begin to explain the emptiness that accompanies this moment. One person remembers the past, the memories, the connection. The other person doesn’t.

Where do we go from here? Where is our starting point? How do we reconnect? How do we rebuild? Unfortunately, there’s no real cut and dry answer. There’s no textbooks or self-help books to give you 10 steps to restoring your marriage after a traumatic brain injury has erased so much. There are not even very many, if any, marriage counselors who are equipped in this area.

The only real answer I have found…Nothing on this earth is permanent. Nothing is promised to us forever. It can all be taken away in an instant. God is our only true, ever-lasting hope. He is my Rock and my Foundation. And the self-help book we’re looking for is the Bible. The only book that gives us clear direction of what marriage is supposed to be. And it’s not always beautiful. It’s not about us. Or even our spouse. It’s about glorifying God. How do others see your marriage? Does it point them to God? Do they see humility?

Philippians 2:3 says: Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.

July 25, 2011:

During your 2nd speech therapy session today, your therapist showed you a picture of Chase and a picture of Ty and asked you which one was Chase. You stared intently at those pictures forever and finally gave an “I don’t know” wave of your hand. Whoa!! I don’t even know what to say. I could feel the walls caving in. Crushing me. I needed to get out of there. I could hardly breathe. Lord, why me? Why us? What is your plan in all of this? Why my family? I just want to fast forward, however long is needed, and be past all of this. If there is a “past all of this.” I feel so overwhelmed. This whole thing feels so cruel. I don’t know how much more I can take. This is one of those days, I need to be carried. I don’t have the strength.

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