The late evening hours of July 9, 2011 began my pages upon pages of journaling. A wise, good friend of mine came to the hospital to pray with us and to give me a journal. It was the best “gift” I could have received at that time. Writing is so therapeutic. To get my thoughts, feelings, questions, worries, fears and all those things bogging me down, out on paper, was such a blessing. I journaled religiously those first two years. Filling 12 journals with very raw emotions.

I would like to share our journey with you. From day one of the accident to present time. So many memories of those days are engraved in my mind, but thankfully many memories are only writings on a page. I don’t carry all these memories with me. So, why would I want to bring them to the forefront again? I believe doing so, can bring healing. Not only for me, in seeing how far we have come. But also, for you….maybe you’re walking through something right now, unsure of how to stand under the weight of it. I hope to encourage you through my journey. From where we were, to where we are…

July 9, 2011:

This is not where I’m supposed to be tonight!! Lying in a hospital ICU waiting area–trying to find a comfortable position to still my mind and hopefully get some rest. But it won’t be still. It just keeps going over and over the events of this entire day.

No, Corey, I’m supposed to be lying next to you in bed with your arms tightly around me; letting me know all is well. You are my everything, Corey. You are my entire world–a part of me. I’m not me without you.

I’m trying to be strong. Strong for you, the kids, me. But the truth is–I’m a mess! I keep thinking at some point I’m going to wake up from this nightmare. But that’s partly why I can’t sleep..I don’t want to wake up and realize it’s all real!

We’ve had some good reports. God is working miracles in you. There are SO many people praying–I wouldn’t be surprised if we’re up over 1000! And actually that may be underestimating the number.

Knowing so many people are praying is what keeps me going. How people go through something this tragic without faith in the one TRUE God, is beyond me. I know He is literally carrying me: Thank you Jesus!!

It’s been so hard to pray. The Spirit is willing, but my mind is so clouded. Why Lord? Why is it so hard to pray? My dad said the same thing earlier today to Pastor Ron and he said because we’re all in such shock; but that the Lord knows our heart.

Holy Spirit intercede for me–be my prayer warrior please. You can’t let Corey die! He is the best husband; the best daddy! Our marriage is SO unbelievably strong! We have such an amazing love for one another! Give me your peace that passes all understanding. And even more so, please do this for my children!

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